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“Every wolf ‘s and lion’s howl / Raises from Hell a human soul.”

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The vampire is just not that into you by Vlad Mezrich

Are you worried that you might not be your vamp's (blood) type?  Well Vlad Mezrich is the ultimate Vampire bachelor.  He takes you through the do's and don't of dating a vampire while giving you tips on how to please his....appetite.  With fun diagrams and laugh-out-loud quizzes after reading this page turner you'll be a magnet to vampires and it WON'T be because of your blood!

If your a Twilight fan or even just a pop culture vampire book fanatic, this book is for you!  It's a funny read and Vlad really does cover everything there is.  If you did in fact read Twilight (which you probably did...) then you'll notice many little inside jokes and Vlad even takes a couple jabs to the reader!

This book really did crack me up and I learned so much.  In this book you can decode your vamp's mood and tell why he isn't really drinking that much of your blood.  You can even understand the difference between an emo kid and an actual vampire.  What a time saver!  Twilight mocker or Twilight over this book is for everybody, the book features activities, testimonials, top 10 lists and charts, as well as quizzes.

Here is a little something you can excpet to read:
Dear Vlad,
If I shove garlic in a vampire's face and nothing happens, is he still a vampire? Or is the garlic thing all a myth? - Samus

Dear Samus,
Excellent question! The undead try to avoid garlic as it overpowers the scent of human blood, but it’s perfectly harmless. However, the “garlic test” is the most accurate way to determine whether or not the vampire is into you.

To gauge his interest, “accidentally” wave a clove of garlic in front of your vampire and then apologize for your “mishap.” If he’s into you, he’ll respond with something along the lines of: “Never fear, my lovely mortal darling. I’m sure it was an accident. I know humans have difficulty controlling those flimsy mass of ligaments you call arms. Oh, how I worship your spastic wrist movements, my adorably fragile love.”

On the other hand, if he screams “NOOOOooo!!! It’s poison. We die instantly. Um, I mean, we die soon . . . Er . . . I can never see you again. Vampire rule. No, I swear. Google it . . . see ya!” then, chances are, the vampire is just not that into you.

 What more can I say about this book, except that it's simply great.  I really recommend reading it when your traveling so that you can snagg yourself a nice vamp!  Of course this book has the moody seal of approval!


  1. Interesting, I think I'll look into it.

  2. lol! This sounds cute. Your review made me laugh. :-)

  3. Ooh, I'm definitely going to be checking this out. This one sounds like a keeper! And your review got me chuckling. :D


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